1. The Pattern: Crisis Hits, and We Look Up
Take a moment and think back to the last time you felt truly uncertain — maybe during a global pandemic, a major reorganization at work, or a personal crisis. Chances are, you found yourself gravitating toward someone who seemed to have all the answers. A boss. A political figure. A loud voice in a crowded room.
This isn’t just anecdotal. History tells the same story: when chaos hits, we look for order. When everything feels out of control, we want someone — anyone — to tell us what to do. We want certainty. We want strength. And we often find it in the form of top-down, no-nonsense leadership. Even if we know, deep down, that this type of leadership isn’t always good for us.
2. The Psychology Behind the Pull
There’s actually a name for this tendency. Several, in fact.
- According to the Terror Management Theory, when we’re reminded of our mortality (think: pandemics, wars, job insecurity), we cling to figures and ideologies that offer us a sense of permanence and order.
- The Need for Cognitive Closure explains how in ambiguous situations, we prefer quick answers over complex truths. Authoritarian leaders provide just that: black-and-white solutions in a grey world.
- Add to that the Uncertainty-Identity Theory, which suggests that when our sense of self is shaken, we seek identity in groups — and those groups often form around strong, directive figures.
So no, it’s not a flaw in your thinking. It’s human. It’s emotional. It’s a survival instinct. But that doesn’t mean it’s always helpful.
3. What Actually Works Better
Here’s the twist: the type of leadership we gravitate toward in crisis isn’t necessarily the one that helps us through it.
Decades of research show that transformational, servant, and adaptive leadership styles are more effective in complex, fast-changing environments. These leaders:
- Build trust rather than demand obedience
- Invite dialogue instead of dictating
- Share responsibility instead of hoarding control
They don’t pretend to have all the answers. Instead, they create space for the answers to emerge from collective intelligence.
Studies by Edmondson on psychological safety, Heifetz on adaptive leadership, and Bass & Riggio on transformational leadership all point in the same direction: leaders who listen, learn, and adapt build more resilient teams, stronger organizations, and healthier systems.
4. So Why the Disconnect?
If we know what works, why don’t we choose it? Here’s where it gets uncomfortable. Our brains are wired to seek short-term relief over long-term benefit.
- Under stress, we rely on mental shortcuts. Complexity feels like a threat, so we simplify.
- We hand over responsibility to someone else because it’s cognitively easier.
- And deep down, many of us grew up with models of leadership that equate strength with control, not vulnerability.
In other words: our instincts haven’t quite caught up with our insight.
There’s also another layer to this — especially for men. As I explored in The «Real Men» Dilemma, traditional masculine norms often teach male leaders to always be in control, never show weakness, and never ask for help. Saying «I don’t know» can feel like a threat to their identity, not just their authority. And yet, those very moments of vulnerability are the key to building psychological safety, stronger teams, and healthier leadership cultures.
5. What Can You Do?
Awareness is the first step. Here are a few ways to apply this to your work and life:
- Pause before you follow the loudest voice. Ask yourself: is this clarity, or just confidence?
- Seek leaders who ask good questions, not just give strong answers.
- If you’re in a leadership role, get comfortable saying «I don’t know» — and invite others into the problem-solving.
- Reflect on your own crisis reactions. Do you tend to delegate upwards, or do you engage and collaborate?
- Cultivate ambiguity tolerance. Practice sitting with complexity instead of rushing to resolve it.
Leadership isn’t about being the hero. It’s about creating the conditions for collective strength. And sometimes, the strongest move you can make is to hold space for uncertainty.