Running
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The Pace of Presence

The Pace of Presence

In Octo­ber last year, when my Achilles ten­don had final­ly made its opin­ion known, I found myself in a park in Cologne. I was­n’t run­ning. I was jog­ging, slow­ly, with my eyes cov­ered and one hand light­ly rest­ing on the arm of some­one guid­ing me. We were part of a work­shop for sight­ed run­ning guides—learn­ing how to help blind and visu­al­ly impaired run­ners move safe­ly, con­fi­dent­ly, freely. It was hum­bling. I was there to learn how to guide. But at that moment, I need­ed guid­ance myself.

What I assumed would be a short break turned into a long pause. The ten­don trou­ble became bur­si­tis, and then a months-long jour­ney of adap­ta­tion. Orthot­ic insoles helped, to some degree. The pain is man­age­able now, but not entire­ly gone. Some runs feel light. Oth­ers feel like work. I run maybe once a week. Slow­ly. With no expec­ta­tion oth­er than show­ing up.

And yet, I’ve signed up for two half marathons—Cologne in autumn, Ham­burg next spring. Not to race. Not to chase times. But because friends of mine are run­ning them. One is prepar­ing for her first ever race. Anoth­er just wants to expe­ri­ence the atmos­phere. These events are no longer bench­marks. They’re mark­ers. Not mea­sures of per­for­mance, but points on a map—keeping me on course, giv­ing shape to a recov­ery that doesn’t always feel like progress.

From Solitary Performance to Shared Experience 

The truth is, this win­ter was hard. Not just phys­i­cal­ly, but men­tal­ly. Run­ning had been a way to reset, to focus, to move through things. With­out it, I had to find new rhythms. I turned to cycling—gravel rides with friends, long week­ends, qui­et roads. I added Pilates to the mix, which I’d always under­es­ti­mat­ed. And maybe most impor­tant­ly, I stopped doing every­thing alone.

That shift—from soli­tary per­for­mance to shared experience—changed some­thing fun­da­men­tal in me. I used to think of sports as some­thing I did for myself. Now I’m more inter­est­ed in what it means to do it with oth­ers. The run­ning guide work­shop plant­ed that seed. These races with friends let it grow. Maybe I’m not ful­ly back yet. But I’m not stuck either. I’m mov­ing. Just differently.

I still want to act as a run­ning guide some­day. But first, I need to become a stead­ier com­pan­ion to myself. Less impa­tient. More atten­tive. It’s not about get­ting back to where I was. It’s about becom­ing some­one who can run—not fastest, not far­thest, but with care. With pres­ence. With others.

Maybe that’s what I’m learn­ing. That progress isn’t always a mat­ter of speed. That show­ing up is some­times the hard­est part—and the most mean­ing­ful. That run­ning, like life, isn’t about how fast you go, but who you go with.

Not faster, just closer.

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